Sunday, July 24, 2016

My predictions for Star Trek: Discovery

Star Trek fans rejoice: there's a new trek series. We don't know much about it, yet, except the name and that it has a ship called "Discovery." However, as with any Star Trek series, there are always a few things we can count on:

    There will be a crew member with a brain the size of a planet who, for some reason, can’t form a conjunction.

    But they will boldly split infinitives.
      At least one episode will have a super-being with God-like abilities and a whimsical personality. 
      Isn't it simply marvelous, Jean-Luc?

      OMG, people are dying! The ship is destroyed! Don’t worry, where there’s total disaster, there’s usually a time loop, parallel universe, or, less often, a simulated reality or simulated people.
      Hey, it's poker time again. And again. and again.
        Even though it's, like, hundreds of years in the future, there is no technology to prevent computer consoles from exploding.
        Evidently, they still make Dell laptops in the future.

          A disease where everybody gets old. 
          Fortunately, the cure will cause everyone to magically revert back to their original age.
            The prime directive will be the most important thing! (JK)
            At least Kirk didn't become the Bajoran Jesus.

            We will find some new and primitive species, pretend to respect their differences, but in the end  we'll show our superiority.

            At least one season’s worth of plot-heavy, boring re-hashing of shows from previous series.

            Or maybe an entire series.

            The initertial dampeners are offline!
            Don’t Panic: we may be traveling at speeds close to (or greater than) the speed of light or being hit by weapons of mass destruction, but the net effect is that a few people will get a few small bruises.
              There will be a holodeck and it will malfunction!

              God, I hope Riker remembered his birth control.

                An overwhelming force will take over the ship's computer!

                For some reason we will still have total control of the self-destruct, though.
                  There will be so many episodes with “anomolies” that you’ll wonder if the writers ever actually looked up that word.
                  But who doesn't love an entire show dedicated to battling space anomalies?
                  Someone will say something not funny, and everyone will laugh.
                  Unless it's data, that's how you know the episode is over.
                    Someone from a prior series will make an appearance.
                    But I don't think we'll be lucky enough to see him again.
                    One character will have personality. Probably the doctor.
                    But that's not guaranteed either, is it?

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